So long since I’ve written here. So long since I’ve written. Too busy being in the moment with real life and not having the luxury of tapping away my thoughts.
Now it’s Christmas. In my world. Is it a holiday in yours? How is yours unfolding?
I used to have picture perfect Christmases as a youngster, with my Mom and Dad, in both Banff (early years) and in Prince Edward Island (mid to later years). A little cozy house in the town of Banff. Christmas lights ready all year ’round to be illuminated at a click of a switch. In Prince Edward Island, our country house built by my Mom and Dad’s hands, nestled in the snow laden spruce trees, bird feeder busy in the back. We sneaked around being mysterious about the hand made gifts we were obligated to make, giving last loving touches. Baking, wrapping, stoking our wood stove in the living room, listening to traditional Christmas music, and being very protective of our time together.
It was the happiest time of year for my little family of three, plus whatever animals we had.
Things have changed. A lot. Of course, I moved away, but always tried to get home for Christmas. Managed to many times. Then home-base altered. A house in Charlottetown, an apartment, another house, another apartment. The spirit changed.
Now Mom and Dad need help to live their daily lives and for the first time all three of us are in different buildings, different places we call home. It’s a challenging time. Not an easy time.
But… it’s a time when we’re supposed to be happy, joyful and grateful.
I AM grateful for what I have in my own home. For our humble Christmas. For my friends. For the delicious food and drink we will consume. For the playful Christmas lights outing we had. For the time to just stop and read on the couch.
I am grateful for the Christmases past and the delightful joy we had as a small family.
I cannot deny, however, my deep feelings of loss as I witness an aging crumbling of connection, threads unraveled, and missing links.
Life doesn’t halt in a protected pink bubble for Christmas. And, I don’t want to pretend it does. That’s too hard.
Can we just seize whatever moments, seconds, minutes, hours of pleasure we can have, and acknowledge that it’s still okay to have a quiet, thoughtful pause, even if it means shedding a tear while wrapping a parcel, or sipping your eggnog? And, if you’re having a tough holiday, know it’s okay if a laugh happens to swell up even if it seems wrong. Laugh.
Merry…. Peaceful… Loving… Thoughtful Christmas to you…. And, if you don’t celebrate Christmas, please know this wish is for you, too, whatever your celebration is.